Dear T Graphic

Dear T: A Letter to My 15 Year Old Self

Dear T,

I thought it appropriate to take a moment and sit you down. Run through the highs and lows in a way that not only 1) keeps it short but 2) is what you need to hear. If memory serves me correctly, you’re in the midst of your second round of acting classes. The cash wasn’t there for the first trip, so you’re continuing to hone your skills while the countdown continues for Los Angeles.

Crystal’s a good friend and the closest thing you’ve every had to a sister. Hold onto her while you can. There are going to be some painful moments in the near-future, but you’ll grow from it. Life’s such a precious gift and there’s no reason to waste it. Her boyfriend Matt’s a pretty cool guy. You’ll get to know this “older brother” soon. Make sure you keep the smile on his face. Oh, and the parrots. I promise they are really in that palm tree. You’ll understand when the time comes.

Let’s see…What else are you doing now? Oh! The flag team! You know how accident prone you are. The flag poles can really hurt you. I mean, concussion-level injuries. Follow the instructions and practice hard. It’s a nice way to stay in shape and meet more people. You know how shy you can get.

Speaking of shyness, keep the writing up. People like your poetry and thoughts. It’s really easy to bottle everything up. But the only way you can discover the world is by putting a full foot into it. It’s burn at times. There will be cuts you can never escape and the urge to step away will be strong.

I beg you not to. I promise you it has yet to come to that.

You’re at the point in your life where college is both a distance goal and sudden reality. You have an idea where, and even what, but not the how. For that reason I sincerely want you to tear up that 10-15 year plan and throw it out the window. Crunch the paper together until your knuckles start to turn white while the sensations and sounds scrap your mind in absolute irritation.

Why do that to yourself? Because the time your spending viewing the future has lost you so much of the present. That same sensation is where you’re heart might be in a few years if you don’t learn to lighten up. You’re a teenager. Act like it.

Making friends is hard. I know. Sweetie, I know. I remember the crying. The shame that the crying invoked and the feeling of helplessness that some people didn’t even know until now. That the lack of verbal acceptance was as bad as cruel words sometimes spoken behind your back. Having people admit they judged you wrong wasn’t always a comfort. Sometimes, it just sparked more questions before the emotional cycle began again.

We all have those demons. We just defeat them in different timelines.

I’m not going to say it’ll be a perfect day. We don’t all get that sudden maturity. Writing to you now is as much of a support to you then as it is for me now. I’ll just tell you this: if you can take the energy from the pain and put it into the successes…you’re going to have much inspiration to pull from later in life.

Stick with the interest in computers. Keep tinkering away as you have for years. All those self-taught skills will put you YEARS ahead almost 13 years from now. Man, you can’t even imagine. That palm pilot you thought was awesome? Hahahaha…Oh, you’re in for a good number of surprises.

My words are getting long and I promised a succinct letter. So let me bring this to a close. I love you. From the bottom of my heart, I love you. In many ways, that’s the most fundamental key to your success and choices in the future. Loving yourself and filling every gap society has left bare. Anything past that point will be an extra layer against the battles even out of my sight.

Think. Be. Breathe.

That’s it.


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